In the Shadow

Silent Sacrifices

As a mother, my intentions will always be what is best for my husband and kids. Lets be honest in saying that in order to be a wonderful mother that “silent’ sacrifices are always being made. I say silent because these sacrifices are the ones that we hold within, without trying to appear selfish to those quick to judge. There is a lot of guilt that comes with being a wonderful leader to the family, that everyone experiences, but no one speaks of. One being we have to give up a part of ourselves. Yes, I said it, because its true. I am one who has put my own inspirations and dreams aside so that my family could come to a place of comfort and sustainability.

When I decided to be a mother I knew the type of mom I wanted to be. I wanted to be understanding, loving, a great leader,present and most importantly I wanted my kids to see that no matter what life throws our way, that family would always be there, NO MATTER WHAT. I make sure to be at most school functions, I make sure that they have everything they need, I am always there with no questions asked. This is not because I have to be, but because this is who I chose to be as a mother, and I know that my kids are thankful, if not today then they will be one day. This is something that I have dedicated my life towards. I have made sure that my wants, and needs were pushed away in order to give my kids the life that I felt they deserved and continue to deserve.

When it comes to my husband I have done the same. I have sacrificed a lot to ensure that his career has grown over the years. I have ensured that the household stayed afloat as he has traveled, without me and the kids, knowing that he was sacrificing as well. He has missed seeing those special moments that I have had the joy of cherishing, and he had to withstand not being there on occasions that I will hold as some of the greatest moments in my life. We have balanced work and family for years and we have maintained an understanding that we have to work together. We have been teetering on when my time would come to become more, knowing that I do eventually want something more than to be a stay at home mom.

You see I am first and foremost a mother and wife, but I am also so much more. I have unselfishly stayed within the shadows supporting and cheering on my favorite people in the world. It is, and will always be my greatest accomplishment. I also feel a small void that screams to show everyone exactly who I am beyond the title of mom and wife.

A few years back I found myself praying more often, “God when will my time be here?” I see my husband viewing landmarks and seeing views that I have only dreamed about, while I am cleaning a house every day and making sure I am prepared for the same exact day tomorrow. Even though I sometimes feel this way, everyday I am thankful of the life that my sweet family has built together. Honestly there are days where I am a tadbit jealous of the fact that my husband gets to see so many amazing places, but I also know that he is jealous that I get to experience special moments with our kids. Beyond these feelings our goals are the same in being that we are working together to give our kids the life that they deserve. We are parents who would move mountains, or states to make sure that happens. We only get one shot at creating wonderful people, and that is our main focus in this stage in life.

I want everyone to see the struggles, sacrifices and the moments that have defined us. So they know that there is someone else who is going through the same things they are. There is always events that lead to heartache, sobbing, and chaos… everything is not always peachy. Whether we show our vulnerability or not, its there.

Bakerlanebabe

You see, I don’t mind being in the position I am in, because I love what I am bringing to my family. I am passionate about so much beyond my place within my home, but until I know that my kids are comfortable, I will have to just plan and be prepared. I think that the timing is not something that is set but felt. So until then I will continue my journey with writing.-( Who knows maybe this is my true destiny. Maybe this is exactly what God wants me to be doing.)- I will bring hope where I can, and fingers crossed along the way, I will inspire others in some way.

So, For all you moms who feel as if you are tired, I understand more than you know. I know how overwhelming your days are and how you are just itching to bust at the seams. And like me, you are patiently waiting for the right moment, not because you are lazy, not because you don’t matter, but because you are the most unselfish momma in the world. I see how much you love your family. I see the sacrifices you are making… I see the unselfish, loving momma you are and most importantly, I know you are there doing your best. You are not alone and I am so proud of the momma you are. You are so valuable to your family, and when you do decide your time is upon you, I will be there clapping the hardest, screaming “Go get it.”

Its ok to want more for your life. Its ok to view your future with ambition. Its ok to see a life with you in the center. It doesn’t make you a horrible person, in fact it makes you more empowering to your future self.

Bakerlanebabe

Author: Mary Swinney

Growing up in the Tri-Cities the love I had for the area tilted more towards how Id love to leave, rather than to see what the area had to offer. I didn't want to see at the time just how enchanting my hometown was. As soon as the chance arose my family and I made our way to Rhode Island. Once there we made some amazing life long friends, who took us in, and showed us just how proud they were of their state. It may be the smallest of all the states, but it was packed with charm and adventure. Each week we were visiting new restraunts, meeting new people, and visiting so many areas that I had only dreamed of. The residents were so proud of what they all had built together that it made me realize just how much I had missed out on back home. I have always been proud of my Southern Roots and I vowed that if God ever brought me back to my hometown I would make it my mission to explore the best it had to offer. I have been back for two years and have fallen in love with so many places. It is my mission now to bring my small town back to life and spread the word on how charming the Tri-Cities truly is.

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