Time as of lately has seemed to be speeding away from all of us. With all the tasks that carries us everyday we find ourselves dreaming of slowing down enough just to catch a break. My daily life is filled with errands that need to be ran, appointments that have to be set up, and people who I find myself always needing to make time for. With this all piled upon my shoulders, I find it hard to sometimes move. I seem to tell myself that more people take than they give, and burden more than they help.
Yesterday I felt the tension rolling through me and even felt the overwhelming cycle of life beginning to push me to a point that would have me spewing more apologies than your welcomes. Reminding myself that this was not who I was, and not what I represent to those who do give me their time, I decided that it was time for a much needed date…. with myself. I knew that some alone time resetting was exactly what I needed. Without focusing on another individual I found myself re-establishing my thoughts, and this is what I found. I found myself at war with myself. My thoughts had turned negative, spewing uncertainties, and welcoming negativity. I found myself on the verge of tears to have gotten to a point where I was not being gentle with myself. Instead I had allowed my though process to criticize the most valuable thing I had on my side…ME.
I took time to not just review my thought process, but also to redirect them to that of positivity and love. By telling myself that I was beautiful to not only notice my flaws, but to love them for what they were, it began to instantly change my attitude. It seemed that by replacing my inner dialogue I allowed my self forgiveness to what I had allowed myself to become.
*I was hating my body for always seeming to betray my health- with a trace of health issues that I had to once again battle with. I had to make peace with my body. I had to understand the strength that it has taken, the will to overcome, and the faith that I had somehow rendered constant within my journey, was that of my own power. I knew that my body was stronger than any thing standing in my path.
*I was hating my worth. Knowing that I strived everyday to be someone to somebody had began to crumble my self-esteem. I honestly struggle with acceptance. Not that of wanting to fit in, but that of wanting everyone to do for me as I would do for them. I know that everyone is different, and that no two souls are the same. Reminding myself that my tribe is the ultimate goal of love, tenderness, communication, and strength was enough for me to reset and allow my worth to be enough.
So much of ourselves are at a disadvantage because of our thinking. Thinking that we are not of importance is one of the most demeaning examples of self-abuse. We have to love ourselves and know that it is important to make sure that we separate ourselves at times to rediscover what makes us unique, what make us loving, and what makes us worthy.
I think of yesterday and think of the moment I was a peace. I was driving around Muscle Shoals and ended up in the parking lot of the Trap House. To most people who visit they are there for their famous Tea Bombs, or their shakes, but for me it was as simple as a refreshing moment in which I was confident enough to be alone with myself. Before even walking through the doors I was smiling, especially when I saw the Rainbow chalked in the concrete. I was immediately reminded how God sends us signs that all is amazing. Even in our depths, he has the ability to put us in positions where we find his grace and love.
Part of that grace and love was a woman by the name of Mayra. As the owner of Trap House, I felt an instant comfort within her presence. Knowing that this was my first time there, she made sure to explain the process from what went into my drink, the benefits, and took joy with just having a conversation with me. Even with a hammer in my hand she kept conversation flowing, while her smile lite up the room.
Knowing that she had no clue what battles I had been through with myself, it was a refreshing experience to be in the presence of someone who’s goals were the same as mine. To bring laughter, love, and joy to others.
I had no clue as to what yesterday would being me. As with most days we sometimes are caught blindsided with the overwhelming needs of the world. Luckily for me, the needs of the world were put on pause. For a moment I reconnected with my self, and simply had one of the best dates of my life.
Be easy on yourself, and remember that you are not alone. Every one of us is constantly working on figuring it out. If it takes you dating yourself then I would say go for it. We have only one life, and I would much prefer you to love every minute of it, and that means loving every minute of who you are.
T.R.A.P House Nutrition Smoothie and Juice Bar
605 Buena Vista Ave. Muscle Shoals Al 35661